My own destruction

Im the killer of my own dreams,
the fucking murderer of my desires,
the one who holds my emotions hostage
and who holds a pistol against my own throat just in case i even think to dare to speak…

i cuss myself out so tears won’t leave my eyes
i threaten my own life to quiet down the silent screams of my soul
i stand the fuck up against the girl who constantly looks back at me… destroyed, hurt, bleeding hands, swelled up eyes, barely beating hurt … in front of the mirror

im the devious prince in my own story …
but i still wonder if i can be my own knight in shinning armor to come rescue me from my own self…

System

i tell myself
i’m not Your
prisoner
anymore,

my chains are Golden
so i must be free

surely

all the money in the world
will never buy me

that is
until
i think of how You’d
kiss me,
until You show me how
You’re all around
yet nowhere,
and there’s never any
escaping Your
vulturous capitalisation
Your invasive marketing
Your pseudosentimental
sensationalism
the beautiful
indoctrination of Your
talking head
the only one
we both want me to see

we both want me to think
i can fuck the system
and i keep hoping i can
but You know
i never will

it’s ambivalent
but i only love You
because You tell me to
and i don’t know any better

i am surrendered
rendered legally tender
caratless

there’s no escaping
You,
You
the one i’d
blindly follow,
fall off this Earth
face first,
blindly stay
and never leave,
blindly believe
Your cancerous
Yellow ribbons
over my own
convictions.

Stars.

I’ve a memory, memory of a feeling from childhood.So many times I used to ask, ask myself. What would I be if I wasn’t Rohan, not human, not even born?

And visually just like a cinematic shot it would zoom out, from a person to earth and to the galaxy of stars. Just floating there.

And I used to feel so light and happy.

I crave for that feeling now!

The cover has become so thick, I’m trying to peel off everything slowly, to be light and float again with the stars. To be that tiny little ball of light filled with nothing but happiness.

What is love?

The more you are aware of love, the more you are aware of pain. Not because love is pain , but only when you are aware of the light you understand what is darkness.
They say there is pain with love, I’d say there is Love, there is Desire and there is fear, when you see it as whole “the relationship” is painful.
Only when you dissect , bifurcate and understand love purely and singularly, you’d experience love truly.
That is exactly when you’d truly give up the wants of “having” that relationship or the person, or the fears of “losing” it or them.
Love is the connection between beings. Every being is equal and the string connecting each and every being is love. Love for every being is also equal. The closer you are to your true self, more aware you are of this love with each and every being. As Rumi quotes “love is the bridge between you and everything”.
Also, True love is momentary, when as soon as you are aware of the experience of love, illusion in the form of desires and fear sneaks in to cage love and you lose the moment of purity.

Happiness is our true state, love is our nature.